New Normal

“Accept the enormity. Give up illusions of containment. The hardest fact of all is that, no matter what the outcome, it is unlikely you can ever again be the person you have been until now.”

I don’t know who said the above quote, so if you know, please feel free to tell me in the comments as I dislike not attributing the quote to the proper author. But this quote, well, it touched me and got right to the heart of the matter. (Bad pun – for those who don’t know as I just had open heart surgery).

There have been a lot of new normals in my lifetime. Many hurdles that I’ve stumbled over in order to get to where I am. Many sleepless nights filled with worry, distress and grief. Not everything in this life journey was a bed a roses. I don’t know many people who haven’t had to find a new normal by the time they were in their 50’s. Do you?

I can never be the woman I was before those major experiences in my childhood, in my young adulthood, and in my adulthood. That girl is long gone. She is, but a whiff of nostalgia, mostly naive before the events happened. Most she never saw coming. Isn’t that the way with life lessons? They hit hard like a sudden tornado, toppling everything in their path, mixing it all up so we have to pick up the pieces and put our lives back together again in a new form. Letting go of what can’t be mended and fashioning something new from what is left.

Breast Cancer. Death of loved ones. Chronic health issues. Divorce. Financial problems. Open heart surgery. Just to name a few.

Each event gave me more strength, wisdom, experience as I stumbled through the life lesson. Falling down sometimes to the bottom, only to find the strength to pull myself forward with baby steps. It’s not been easy. But was it worth it?

Had I known what was coming, I wouldn’t have wanted to go through it all. Heck no. Who would? But knowing what I know now, I am grateful for each and every storm because it brought me to this moment. This special moment to say to you, I get it. I understand. While I may not have gone through exactly what you have, my similar situation allows me to get it. To empathize with you and to be able to walk with you through your next chapter.

The belief in the power of love that conquers all still exists within me. In that, I’ve not wavered except to understand the nuances of healthy and toxic love.